What do you want to be when you grow up? Part 2

I liked school right away, starting in 1st grade. Kindergarten was kind of stressful for me, maybe because we moved halfway through it, maybe because I was a "very young 5",  with a July birthday. (Don't lose that point, it will probably surface later.....) But, first grade was pretty cool. I had Mrs. McKnight. She was about 107 years old when she taught me. That was back in 1964. I'm pretty sure she's not around anymore. Nice teacher. Taught me all the stuff I needed to know in 1st grade. Read to us. And, I got in trouble in her class for the first time, and maybe only time in my school career. Even she said it was mostly the boys at my table who were talking when they were supposed to be listening. I just got swept up in the mob. But, I had to miss some recess, along with them. I felt like she didn't know who she was dealing with (yes, I had a halo, even in those days that I worked at keeping polished!)
2nd grade; now, 2nd grade was cool. I'm not really sure why, except that I had Miss Knott. She had black hair styled in a shoulder length flip with bangs. Very 1965. She wore tight skirts (not too short) and pointy toed high heels (teacher did NOT wear pants back in those days). She read to us, also. I loved that. I don't remember a whole lot else about her, except that every day, when she called us to line up at the door to go home, she asked us if we wanted a hug or a handshake. I always took a hug. I thought that was the most amazing thing! Nobody at my house shook my hand, much less hugged me by the time I was in 2nd grade. School was already my happy place, where I got pats on the back, "atta girl's" for knowing stuff and doing my work, stars on my papers. And HUGS. HUGS. That was huge for me. When I was in 2nd grade I decided I wanted to become a teacher. It didn't have anything to do with thinking kids were fun or cute or interesting to work with. I WAS a kid. I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to be like Miss Knott when I grew up. I wanted to offer and receive hugs.
It's really true that you never know who's watching you or whose life you're going to influence. You never know what act of kindness, or unkindness, is going to have a life changing effect on someone around you. Many times I have questioned my decision, at the age of 7, to become a teacher. It's one of the lowest paying jobs any college educated professional can have. It is stressful, frustrating and often thankless. More times than not you don't get the big picture in terms of the life time impact you have on your students. I don't know if Miss Knott thought about those things or not. I don't know if she knew I was a smart kid, starving for hugs. I know what she offered me every day of the 2nd grade and I know how much it meant to me.  And I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

Never leave a child behind

Maybe I'm mixing two expressions, one being, "Never leave a man behind" and the other, "No child left behind". My title here is, truly about not leaving a child, behind. As in; you're headed out somewhere as a family and you realize that you left a child behind. Some of you are gasping and wondering how any loving parent could ever do that. I'll tell you, no loving parent that I know of has ever done it on purpose!

I need to go back to my aunt and uncle (the two that had 17 children, you know, my favorites). I have an image of my aunt sitting in an upholstered rocking chair, feeding and rocking a baby much of the time. Obviously, she did other things, too. But she ended up sitting in that chair many times throughout a day. From that chair, she could direct what was going on around her with her voice. It was multi-tasking before multi-tasking had a name. They also bought in bulk when it wasn't popular and used cloth diapers (cuz there weren't any Huggies back in those days!) If a child needed redirection, she could do it from the chair. If a child had a problem, she could talk them through it from the chair. If she couldn't talk them through it, there was usually an older child she could direct to help the younger child. If there was a chore that needed to be done, she could give the directions to a child who was capable from that chair. Sometimes a child just needed to come and hang out by her at the chair for a bit, while she nursed the baby. That was okay, too.

As I said, watching the dynamics of this family, and especially this mother with her children had a profound impact on my life, growing up. I learned by watching, before I knew the principle, that you must teach children in your care to respond to your voice and to your words. It is one of the first things I check for when I get a new group of preschoolers in my class, or even when a new one comes in mid-year. When I am multi-tasking with a group of children, I need to be able to speak to a child, even if it's across a room or a playground, have that child stop, look at me and respond appropriately to what I am saying or asking. This training is essential for peacefulness, order and safety. When we do a disaster drill, I call my children's names. one at a time and have them answer "Here". That's for safety. That's part of never leaving a child behind. If I need them to put the block down before they whack their friend over the head with it, I need them to respond to their name and to the word "Stop!" I find that many of my 3 and 4 year olds are not trained to do this when they come to me. Why? Because many parents don't realize the importance of beginning that training soon after their child learns to walk. If I call your name, you stop and look at me. You listen to what I am going to tell you. If I say "Come here", you come here. You don't know why. I could have a treat for you. I could need to give you some correction. I could need to save you from danger. The reason doesn't matter. When you're training a child to do that, you have to go get them if they don't come. One or two attempts is sufficient to see if they're going to respond. Then you move and bring them to you. This signals their brains, "Oh, she meant come here. If I don't do that, she's gonna come get me. I think I'd rather motor myself than be motored by the tall people!" Telling the child ten times and not moving gives another message, entirely. Can you guess what it is? Telling the child over and over, raising your voice and then letting them carry on with what they were doing or not doing absolutely lets them know they are in charge, and that, my friends, is a dangerous path for everyone to travel. You should see the look of surprise on the faces of my kids in preschool when that learned routine comes to an abrupt halt in my classroom!

Back to leaving a child behind and my favorite large family of relatives. When they traveled by car, there was a roll call taken. Names were called out by mom or dad. Children responded to their names. Older children responded for the children who could not yet talk. Once I was with them when they had about 6 or 7 kids. We were driving to a ribbon cutting ceremony at which my uncle was to preside. Roll call began. Oldest to youngest. No response to the baby's name. Once. Twice. The station wagon was turned around and the baby was retrieved from the crib at home! Don't worry. Baby was asleep, not crying, not terrified, and response time was quick.

Fast forward about 30 years. I am homeschooling my four children, ages 10 down to 5 and doing child care for two sisters, ages 3 and infant. You guessed it. We load up to go to Wood River for piano lessons for the oldest three kids. Everybody in, buckled, car seated. Up Hickory Hill Lane we go, on to Glen Carbon Road. Roll call. Five children answer. No one answers for the baby. Once. Twice. I turn the station wagon around and head back the mile we had traveled. She is bundled up appropriately, strapped in correctly, on our covered front porch in her baby car seat. Temperature was about 45 degrees. We were gone two minutes, maybe less. I was horrified. Older children were horrified. I got her securely strapped in the car and we made it to the lessons (during which I shopped with the three youngest at Shop 'n Save in Wood River. It was always Senior's double coupon day. Did I say patience????)

Parents, teachers, caregivers, teach your children to respond to your voice and Never leave a child behind. If you do, go back for them as quickly as you can and thank the Lord for the angels he places around the little ones we love!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

All my life I have adored children. Since I was a child, really. A favorite aunt and uncle of mine had a family of 17 children (yes, I said 17 children) and I liked nothing better than to stay with them when we made our trips from St. Louis to Kansas City. There were other related families in that area, but my choice was always the largest one. My closest cousin was in that family, true, but also, there was always a baby and a toddler to hold, play with and tote around. My aunt and uncle were the most patient people I think I have ever known (go figure) and I loved to listen to them interact with their kids. If a child came to my aunt while she was busy doing something else (which she always was) with a minor bump, feelings ruffled by minor altercation with a sibling, or even something as simple as "I can't find my teddy", her response was always a calm, "I'm sorry". They may have hung around another minute or two, or hugged her legs if she was standing, and then they were on their way, back to playing and being children. I find myself, to this day, employing that response to children, at home or school, who need to vent a small problem, one that doesn't real need a solution, just an ear and a kind response from a caring adult. It's a miracle cure for many small child ailments.

So, I was called "baby crazy" by other members of my family (who weren't). It always hurts, a bit, to be labeled as something, by someone who doesn't share your passion, but it didn't dim my love of babies and small children. Apparently, my calling was not to be deterred.

I suppose my beloved aunt could have, understandably used the expression that has become a humorous catch phrase in our culture, "Who are all these children. and why are they calling me mom?" I don't think she would have, had it even occurred to her. But it is the name of my meager attempt at beginning a blog. My life has been filled with children from that day to this. Not all of them calling me Mom. Some calling me by my name, in a number of adorable variations, some calling me Mom, and now, some calling me Nana. My life has been about children for as long as I can remember. God has brought them in to my life in droves. I have worked and prayed to touch and change them, and they, by their very natures, have ALWAYS touched and changed me! I have many stories and pondering and a smattering of knowledge. Maybe somebody will find them interesting. Maybe somebody will find themselves or the children they love in my telling.