Gifts we pass along

     My husband and I were discussing the idea I mentioned in my last post about looking things up in the World Book Encyclopedia. That's a huge memory for me, from my childhood years. We found answers to questions and settled debates by going to those books! The comment he made hit me pretty hard. He said, "You were very fortunate growing up. I had an interest in doing that kind of thing by the time I was about 7 or 8 and begged my parents for a set of encyclopedias for our home. They wouldn't get them for me." He went on to tell how his second grade teacher sold them, and he remembers her sitting in their living room talking with his parents about the payment plan they could set up to purchase the set. The answer was still no. It wasn't that they couldn't afford them. They just didn't see it as a priority.
    While I was processing the sadness i felt over that story, he added, "There were lots of things I wanted to know. I had to find other ways to look them up, myself." And he did. And went on to become one of the few college graduates in the history of his family. I tip my hat to you, Jim Rusk, and to the children and young people who lack the gift my parents gave us so many years ago. Encyclopedias, yes. But also, a high value placed on learning, and as my husband says, intellect.
    I know the topic of what kind of education to provide for your children is a hot one. Controversial. Let me just say, I have had my children in public school, private school and home school. Over the years, I have known many families who have chosen all three of those options for their children. May I say that in my humble observation, the greatest determining factor in how the children "turn out" points straight back at the parents and the family, regardless of which schooling road the children traveled?
    Okay, off my soapbox and on with my theme......For a few short years I had the privilege of home schooling my four oldest children. It was a great adventure, and as a mom and a teacher, I gained as much from the experience as my children did. It gave me a perspective on what really matters in education like nothing else ever has or will. But, that story for another time!
    When we began homeschooling, it was 1993. We didn't have a computer or the internet in our home. I really wanted a resource for my children to use like I had when I was growing up. I approached my parents about the idea of gifting us their set of 1960 World Books. After a few days, the answer came back from my mother. No, to passing their World Books on to us. Yes, to purchasing a brand new set for my children to use at home. What a gift! And let me tell you, they were used and utilized! They still hold a place of honor across the bottom of one of my large bookshelves of "special" books.
    All my kids have access to the internet, now. So much more information at their fingertips. I have to give credit to my family heritage for passing along a precious gift to me, so that I could pass it on to my children and all those other children who call me (whatever they call me). I love knowledge and understanding and wisdom. I hope you do, too. And if there are young people in your life, I hope you pass along that gift to them.

A baby swan is called a cygnet

There is a big book that I read to my preschool classes about animal babies. It tells about different baby animals and their mothers. The children are familiar with many of the animals in the book. The pictures of the cygnet and the mother swan usually throw them. They want to call it a duck. Makes the most sense in their mental schema and vocabulary knowledge. And, while I acknowledge that it does sort of look like a duck, I emphasize that a baby swan is a cygnet. I ask them to say that word. And we revisit that picture and word a number of times over the course of a week.

What difference does any of that make? Isn't that kind of a hard word for a preschooler? Wouldn't it be okay to accept the label "duck", at least for now? I have to tell you I grew up in a family of "look it ups". We discussed and debated facts and ideas in many different realms, often at the dinner table, and whenever there was a challenge, the judgement came down from my dad to "look it up". Meant the 1960 World Book Encyclopedia set that we kept on a bookshelf in the dining room. Somebody went to get it, found the topic we were discussing, and the right answer. Boom! Somebody found the answer and shared it with the rest of us!

I grew up believing that if you didn't know something, you could find an answer to it, or find someone who knew the answer to it. I grew up having $10  words used around me, with the belief that children develop vocabulary by hearing it, hearing it in context and hearing it, again.  I grew up with the Grammar Police Force, my mom and dad.
None of these things hurt me, in fact I believe that have helped me tremendously and given me the foundation for some of my theories and practices of teaching children, to always seek knowledge and understanding.

When my son, Joel, was in elementary school, he saw a flock of geese fly over us as we drove through the country. He was a reader and a lover of all kinds of animals. His question from the back seat took me by surprise, when I heard, "Mama, do swans fly south for the winter and do they fly in a V formation?" Swans aren't normally seen in our part of the country and I had to tell him I didn't know the answer to his question. But, I also told him it was a really good question and we could find out the answer. We found it in the encyclopedia. Together. And the answer is yes, they do both of those things and they also honk.
I learned something that day about swans and I learned somethings about teaching and learning. If a teacher can teach a learner to seek out answers to questions he doesn't know, about anything he wants to know,  the learner is well on his way to becoming an autonomic. life-long learner. Those are terms we like to throw around in the pedagogy of educational training. Technical jargon for a simple idea: If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach him to fish, he can feed himself for life.

To teach a child to seek out knowledge, you have to create within them a desire to learn. A love for words and ideas. They have to explore and discover things in their environment. You have to talk to them, listen to them, read to them, explain things to them. Use the word "cygnet" for a baby swan. That's it's name. A child can learn to say that, as well as a plethora of other rich, descriptive vocabulary words, if they hear them often and in context.

When my boys were under 7 years old, they used to lose the privilege of playing with a toy for a few days if they didn't follow the rules. They were placed on restriction from that item. It was usually put on top of the refrigerator. That was the "no touch-no play zone! Someone would come through the kitchen and ask one of them why their toy sword or nerf gun was on the refrigerator. The honest answer would come back, "I am on restriction from it for hitting my brother in the head with it." Did they know what "restriction" was? I think so. They lived with the working definition of it on an almost weekly basis.

I have some Pre-K students right now who are not careful play-dough players. There are pretty strict rules when it comes to the use of playdough. Especially over carpet! They had been reminded and warned about appropriate use, clean up and patrolling of the floor for renegade pieces. There was no improvement in their behavior, so the playdough was put up on a high shelf and the term "playdough restriction" was introduced to them. A week or so later, I heard one 5 year old ask another one if he wanted to play with playdough. The second child said, "No, we can't. The teacher said we're on playdough destriction."   The word rendering was close enough for his purposes.

As adults working and living with children, we're called on to facilitate their development in a number of areas. We help them develop in to growing and then grown people. A great gift we can give them is to teach them to seek and find knowledge. For Heaven's sake, we can now google just about anything in the world! And if someone is too lazy to google, send them the link through Let me just google that for you (lmjgtfy.com)! But seriously, teach children to find answers to their questions (when they get older, it will be called research). It will increase their learning potential and their thirst for knowledge. And by all means, teach them that a baby swam is called a cygnet!

What do you want to be when you grow up? Part 2

I liked school right away, starting in 1st grade. Kindergarten was kind of stressful for me, maybe because we moved halfway through it, maybe because I was a "very young 5",  with a July birthday. (Don't lose that point, it will probably surface later.....) But, first grade was pretty cool. I had Mrs. McKnight. She was about 107 years old when she taught me. That was back in 1964. I'm pretty sure she's not around anymore. Nice teacher. Taught me all the stuff I needed to know in 1st grade. Read to us. And, I got in trouble in her class for the first time, and maybe only time in my school career. Even she said it was mostly the boys at my table who were talking when they were supposed to be listening. I just got swept up in the mob. But, I had to miss some recess, along with them. I felt like she didn't know who she was dealing with (yes, I had a halo, even in those days that I worked at keeping polished!)
2nd grade; now, 2nd grade was cool. I'm not really sure why, except that I had Miss Knott. She had black hair styled in a shoulder length flip with bangs. Very 1965. She wore tight skirts (not too short) and pointy toed high heels (teacher did NOT wear pants back in those days). She read to us, also. I loved that. I don't remember a whole lot else about her, except that every day, when she called us to line up at the door to go home, she asked us if we wanted a hug or a handshake. I always took a hug. I thought that was the most amazing thing! Nobody at my house shook my hand, much less hugged me by the time I was in 2nd grade. School was already my happy place, where I got pats on the back, "atta girl's" for knowing stuff and doing my work, stars on my papers. And HUGS. HUGS. That was huge for me. When I was in 2nd grade I decided I wanted to become a teacher. It didn't have anything to do with thinking kids were fun or cute or interesting to work with. I WAS a kid. I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to be like Miss Knott when I grew up. I wanted to offer and receive hugs.
It's really true that you never know who's watching you or whose life you're going to influence. You never know what act of kindness, or unkindness, is going to have a life changing effect on someone around you. Many times I have questioned my decision, at the age of 7, to become a teacher. It's one of the lowest paying jobs any college educated professional can have. It is stressful, frustrating and often thankless. More times than not you don't get the big picture in terms of the life time impact you have on your students. I don't know if Miss Knott thought about those things or not. I don't know if she knew I was a smart kid, starving for hugs. I know what she offered me every day of the 2nd grade and I know how much it meant to me.  And I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

Never leave a child behind

Maybe I'm mixing two expressions, one being, "Never leave a man behind" and the other, "No child left behind". My title here is, truly about not leaving a child, behind. As in; you're headed out somewhere as a family and you realize that you left a child behind. Some of you are gasping and wondering how any loving parent could ever do that. I'll tell you, no loving parent that I know of has ever done it on purpose!

I need to go back to my aunt and uncle (the two that had 17 children, you know, my favorites). I have an image of my aunt sitting in an upholstered rocking chair, feeding and rocking a baby much of the time. Obviously, she did other things, too. But she ended up sitting in that chair many times throughout a day. From that chair, she could direct what was going on around her with her voice. It was multi-tasking before multi-tasking had a name. They also bought in bulk when it wasn't popular and used cloth diapers (cuz there weren't any Huggies back in those days!) If a child needed redirection, she could do it from the chair. If a child had a problem, she could talk them through it from the chair. If she couldn't talk them through it, there was usually an older child she could direct to help the younger child. If there was a chore that needed to be done, she could give the directions to a child who was capable from that chair. Sometimes a child just needed to come and hang out by her at the chair for a bit, while she nursed the baby. That was okay, too.

As I said, watching the dynamics of this family, and especially this mother with her children had a profound impact on my life, growing up. I learned by watching, before I knew the principle, that you must teach children in your care to respond to your voice and to your words. It is one of the first things I check for when I get a new group of preschoolers in my class, or even when a new one comes in mid-year. When I am multi-tasking with a group of children, I need to be able to speak to a child, even if it's across a room or a playground, have that child stop, look at me and respond appropriately to what I am saying or asking. This training is essential for peacefulness, order and safety. When we do a disaster drill, I call my children's names. one at a time and have them answer "Here". That's for safety. That's part of never leaving a child behind. If I need them to put the block down before they whack their friend over the head with it, I need them to respond to their name and to the word "Stop!" I find that many of my 3 and 4 year olds are not trained to do this when they come to me. Why? Because many parents don't realize the importance of beginning that training soon after their child learns to walk. If I call your name, you stop and look at me. You listen to what I am going to tell you. If I say "Come here", you come here. You don't know why. I could have a treat for you. I could need to give you some correction. I could need to save you from danger. The reason doesn't matter. When you're training a child to do that, you have to go get them if they don't come. One or two attempts is sufficient to see if they're going to respond. Then you move and bring them to you. This signals their brains, "Oh, she meant come here. If I don't do that, she's gonna come get me. I think I'd rather motor myself than be motored by the tall people!" Telling the child ten times and not moving gives another message, entirely. Can you guess what it is? Telling the child over and over, raising your voice and then letting them carry on with what they were doing or not doing absolutely lets them know they are in charge, and that, my friends, is a dangerous path for everyone to travel. You should see the look of surprise on the faces of my kids in preschool when that learned routine comes to an abrupt halt in my classroom!

Back to leaving a child behind and my favorite large family of relatives. When they traveled by car, there was a roll call taken. Names were called out by mom or dad. Children responded to their names. Older children responded for the children who could not yet talk. Once I was with them when they had about 6 or 7 kids. We were driving to a ribbon cutting ceremony at which my uncle was to preside. Roll call began. Oldest to youngest. No response to the baby's name. Once. Twice. The station wagon was turned around and the baby was retrieved from the crib at home! Don't worry. Baby was asleep, not crying, not terrified, and response time was quick.

Fast forward about 30 years. I am homeschooling my four children, ages 10 down to 5 and doing child care for two sisters, ages 3 and infant. You guessed it. We load up to go to Wood River for piano lessons for the oldest three kids. Everybody in, buckled, car seated. Up Hickory Hill Lane we go, on to Glen Carbon Road. Roll call. Five children answer. No one answers for the baby. Once. Twice. I turn the station wagon around and head back the mile we had traveled. She is bundled up appropriately, strapped in correctly, on our covered front porch in her baby car seat. Temperature was about 45 degrees. We were gone two minutes, maybe less. I was horrified. Older children were horrified. I got her securely strapped in the car and we made it to the lessons (during which I shopped with the three youngest at Shop 'n Save in Wood River. It was always Senior's double coupon day. Did I say patience????)

Parents, teachers, caregivers, teach your children to respond to your voice and Never leave a child behind. If you do, go back for them as quickly as you can and thank the Lord for the angels he places around the little ones we love!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

All my life I have adored children. Since I was a child, really. A favorite aunt and uncle of mine had a family of 17 children (yes, I said 17 children) and I liked nothing better than to stay with them when we made our trips from St. Louis to Kansas City. There were other related families in that area, but my choice was always the largest one. My closest cousin was in that family, true, but also, there was always a baby and a toddler to hold, play with and tote around. My aunt and uncle were the most patient people I think I have ever known (go figure) and I loved to listen to them interact with their kids. If a child came to my aunt while she was busy doing something else (which she always was) with a minor bump, feelings ruffled by minor altercation with a sibling, or even something as simple as "I can't find my teddy", her response was always a calm, "I'm sorry". They may have hung around another minute or two, or hugged her legs if she was standing, and then they were on their way, back to playing and being children. I find myself, to this day, employing that response to children, at home or school, who need to vent a small problem, one that doesn't real need a solution, just an ear and a kind response from a caring adult. It's a miracle cure for many small child ailments.

So, I was called "baby crazy" by other members of my family (who weren't). It always hurts, a bit, to be labeled as something, by someone who doesn't share your passion, but it didn't dim my love of babies and small children. Apparently, my calling was not to be deterred.

I suppose my beloved aunt could have, understandably used the expression that has become a humorous catch phrase in our culture, "Who are all these children. and why are they calling me mom?" I don't think she would have, had it even occurred to her. But it is the name of my meager attempt at beginning a blog. My life has been filled with children from that day to this. Not all of them calling me Mom. Some calling me by my name, in a number of adorable variations, some calling me Mom, and now, some calling me Nana. My life has been about children for as long as I can remember. God has brought them in to my life in droves. I have worked and prayed to touch and change them, and they, by their very natures, have ALWAYS touched and changed me! I have many stories and pondering and a smattering of knowledge. Maybe somebody will find them interesting. Maybe somebody will find themselves or the children they love in my telling.